Be Yourself.
I was looking at the stars; and the trees, and the clouds. I was smoking a cigarette, one of my regrettably enjoyed habits. This is wrong. Why waste my life - shorten my life - when it is so short to begin with? There is so much beauty in the world. The character of a warm memory holds out a hand to help me up, snapping me out of a trance - a void space, a worried state of mind. Fear of things inevitable, fear of the unpredictability of life, and of the people in it. I know there are people who are lost, angry, alone, scared, or confused; but I don`t want to be one of them.
I don`t want to waste the few precious years I have with myself, my family, my friends. This place -the smells, the sounds, the feel of the air - always seems to help me realize how wrong I am in so many of my actions, my thoughts, my ideas. I need not to be scared, alone, confused.
I need to be strong, even in trying moments; moments when I have no hope, no feeling that this world is meant for me. But it is meant for me. The idea of hope, the idea of being something, of being myself, should resonate in my body, in my presence, in my character.
I need to worry not of what people might say, of what people might think, of what people might do. I need to worry about my destiny, and the fulfillment of my hopes and dreams.
There might always be a dark place in the world, or in my thoughts, or in my dreams, but more importantly, there is and always will be hope. Hope that there are good people, things do happen for a reason, and everything is going to be alright. From now on, I am going to express myself for who I am, blind of the hate, the evil, and the bad. I will tell myself, with certainty, that there is someone waiting for me to spend the rest of my life with, and to love them and share with them thoughts, and memories, and laughter.
I will crush the haters, the fakes, the jealous; and in the light - whether foreseeable or unknown - I will embrace the world, surrounding myself with the good people in it - the ones who share love and knowledge and kindness.
My Nana told me the other day, that she “doesn`t understand why people do recreational drugs.“ I understand, one reason, maybe a little too well; and maybe she knew I did, and was concerned for me. We have all at some time felt scared, lost, angry at things beyond our control. Drugs let you escape into a fake world, without worry or constant acknowledgement of unattractive obligations - a foolish and stupid way to attempt at solving anything, let alone a problem - but it`s always a downward spiral, mentally, and physically. I understand now, for myself, that a more sober world is a much safer world.
I am never doing drugs again. I am never being jealous, rude, or hateful to another person. Only the ones who spread hate should and will be stood up to, not in a rude way, but in a righteous way. They will get what they give, but in return for hate, I will only give them pity. I will only pity them for not seeing the world as a beautiful place, for whatever reason, they have lost sight.
But I will try to help the ones I want to remove from this infectious soil. But it will not consume my life. Life is too precious to waste by associating with constant channels of negativity. There should be no space given to hating, envying, or evil.
I am going to spend the rest of my life climbing the mountain, trying harder and harder - not to reach the top - but to reach a point at which I am fully happy with myself; surrounded by love, and embraced for who I am by the ones around me.
I will take a breath, and stop to collect myself, and my thoughts, whenever someone or myself digs me into a deep or dark hole. I will think of the love people have given me, the talents I have been blessed with, and my good heath, which much to often - probably a reflection of my current age - I have disregarded as anything less than a miracle.
I have seen death stare me in the face, yet, allowing me to still be here, even though I sometimes do not appreciate my life as much as I should.
Everyone has problems, but everyone also has a chance to forget about their problems - to live now, and embrace life for the beautifully chaotic, or brilliantly orchestrated thing that it is. And tomorrow, if i were to die, I would be ashamed that - until this point - I have been selfish, negligent, and sometimes blissfully unaware that there is a light at the end of every tunnel, that there must be someone - if not someone real, than maybe someone in my own mind - looking out for me, slapping me in the face, showing me I haven`t contributed what I should contribute to my future, to my family, and to even my closest friends. I am going to change my life so that, god forbid, if the world ends in the next few seconds, the memories flashing through my mind will all be moments where I always made light of every situation I encountered, courageous and proud.
And I will always hope for a better tomorrow, a tomorrow where all the people of the world love each other for who they are. -m.o.m.
